MEGAMIND: Sort of Evil, Sometimes Criminal Genius

This is a permissions post for Megamind and his Dehydration gun. Below are the functions - let me know here if it's okay for him to use any of these on your character. I won't do it unless you tell me it's okay <3

Dehydration: This function can turn any object (living or inanimate) into a small, glowing blue cube. From this point the item/person can be restored to their original state with a single drop of water. It causes no permanent damage, except maybe over-tiredness.

Decoupage: The actual definition of this (as stated from dictionary.com) is: the art or technique of decorating something with cut-outs of paper, linoleum, plastic, or other flat material over which varnish or lacquer is applied. Basically, this function coats the target (person, item, whathaveyou) with a kind of clear waterproof coating, similar to lacquer, presumably the dehydrated cube so that it can’t easily be rehydrated. Megamind suspects that Minion uses this function to do actual decorating and gift-wrapping when he isn’t looking.

Decompress: Exactly as it sounds. It can be used to decompress the matter in a human body, which sounds messier than it actually is. What it actually does is relieve the body of pressure and returns a person to a condition of normal atmospheric pressure. It’s great stress relief.

Deregulate: This function incapacitates the voltage regulator in any machine that has electrical systems (cars, trucks, planes – most modern forms of transportation). It causes the engine to fail in stages, so no massive injury to the driver/passengers is done in the process. Ideal for use on a squadron of police cars, or any aircraft.

Debilitate: Sucks the electrical energy out of a person which causes muscle weakness similar to atrophy. To only be used when target is to remain conscious. Note to self: Never use on Roxanne Ritchi again – the results are too unpredictable.

Demoralize: …Temporarily neutralizes willpower and creates general confusion and bewilderment by interfering with biochemistry. Results are too unpredictable for regular use. Discontinued usage is best until further investigation and tweaking can be done.

Destroy: Simply put - this breaks down molecular bonds, causing a ray which essentially destroys anything that it hits. This is the most dangerous setting, despite the Death Ray. 

Death Ray: When struck, the target simulates death for several hours. The heart slows and they appear to be, for all intents and purposes, dead. When they awaken, they are disoriented and unable to function properly until they’ve properly rested. 

[There have been way too many punishments lately, and Megamind is thoroughly disgusted with the lot of you. Honestly, children, can't you keep your hands to yourselves?

Nevertheless, he has nothing else to say to the lot of you about it, and it's nothing to do with any of that because he thinks these punishments are brutal, tasteless, and lacking class.

Then again, most of you lack those qualities, so. Whatever

He can be found scouring the grounds for parts, supplies, whathaveyou, as well as whatever confectionery delights that he can pilfer safely from the kitchens. Also, clothing - he's on the prowl for clothing to alter, the girl that practically LIVES in the clothier has been fixing some of his capes to reflect the high necked look but he's found that some of the simpler pieces work just as well to give dramatic effect.

Any and all of these places he is able to be found, at any time of day.]




****

[Later--]

Miss--

...

Sarea. I am in need of your assistance once more, if you please.

I find it extremely suspect that all of a sudden, the Clothier is bursting at the seams with costumes, of all things.

[Honestly, couldn't you be a little more useful, Deior? How about something he can actually use? Like technology! Weapons of mass destruction! A Death Ray! Memory Eraser Beam! Typhoon Cheese!]

However.

I suppose that, all things considered, we should count our blessings that you've decided to bestow such gifts upon us.

[Nope, no sarcasm there - though his Retro Ray is under lock and key these days. He IS, at least, appreciative of that.]

Bryn. Odette. Claudia.

I expect you'll be there?

[Not a question. If he's going to be making an appearance, you all had BETTER show up.

He's up there now, rooting through these ridiculous costumes, trying to find something worthy of the great MEGAMIND.]

Oh, magnanimous staff that has been ever so gracious in housing all of us soul sucking leeches in your humble abode - may I have your attention?

Please.

[Ugh. This is mortifying. MORTIFYING DO YOU HEAR?]

I have a...request...if you will. [He clears his throat.]

I am in need of scrap metal. Any scrap metal that you have would be appreciated, I don't care where it comes from or how you get it. Honestly, even if you peel it off the bumper of a 1899 Horsey Horseless, that would be just fantastic.

I just need something to build with before I lose my giant, blue mind.

[Another pause. He really hates this whole 'asking nicely' thing.]

...Thank you.

[The lines you see coming across the pages are sharp, jagged, and angry.]  
 
Who has DARED modify ME, Megamind?!   
 
Reveal yourself so that I may dispose of you promptly!   
 
[And he’d also like to know HOW. The view flips to video, and an enraged, HUMAN, Megamind sputters his next sentence..]   
 
EXPLAIN THIS IMMEDIATELY!

((replies will be from notacurator ))

Megamind is completely unimpressed with the lack of technology this place has to offer.
 
“Primitive, that’s what this is – hardly an ounce of scrap metal to work with.” He’s grumbling under his breath as he prowls the grounds, face twisted into a weary and tired expression. He hadn’t slept well since arrival – not that he slept much to begin with – but the lack of proper rest was beginning to take its toll.
 
That and the words ‘cataclysm’ and ‘unmade’ are on repeat in his oversized mind. He’s seen this movie once before, watching his home swallowed whole by a black, swirling vortex in space – entirely unforgiving in its relentlessness, it consumed his planet and left nothing in its wake.
 
To think, to even consider that that had happened to his second home, to Metro Man, Roxanne, Minion--
 
Impossible. Not just improbable, but impossible. Megamind refused to believe it, would not believe it or accept it.
 
His cape swished at his ankles as he strode, intent on a full exploration and a full detailing of his map. He’s scratching in his book as he walks, taking notes.
 
[The next portion will appear as a text entry.]
 
Entry 1 – Day Four of Captivity; Evil Plan Number 7546 Underway
 
Keep – Worn, primitive. Lacking in latest tech or any tech at all. Will be difficult to construct weapons of diabolical genius. Surrounded on the north and west sides by botanical gardens and captive Gallus domesticus.
              ϟFloor 1
                        Kitchens – items easily requisitionable at any time.
                        Infirmary – Keep safe distance and observe only from afar. Suspicious female within.
              ϟFloor 2
                        Large hall, includes main entrance. Take the bridge, watch step.
              ϟFloor 3
                      Storeroom, musi—
 
[The neat black handwriting trails off. He’s either been interrupted, distracted, or murdered. Do you respond? Check on him? Continue in your oblivion?]
 
((ooc: Megamind is approachable during this entry! Feel free to tag in and assume you have intercepted him at any point that is listed. If you have an antagonistic character that needles him into the point of agitation and anger, there is a likely chance he will dehydrate you. He is not a hero yet and won’t hesitate to leave a trail of little blue cubes in his wake until he gets punished that is. Please specify if this is not acceptable. Mods if this isn’t cool, let me know! Thanks, guys!))